Planning a wedding is something that many brides want to manage as much as possible themselves – perhaps giving a few key things to their groom to manage entirely (or not!) But what if your groom is showing zero interest in the wedding planning now the date and venue are sorted? Here are some tips to keep you calm, help you understand what’s maybe going on his head and also increase his interest and support…
- Prioritise – everyone has tasks they particularly enjoy so divide up what you want to manage and what he would like to do – don’t just assume though, ask if he would like to get involved with that. It may be that he is really keen to have input on say, the wedding cake design, when you had assumed that you would arrange that on your own, or with your mum/bridesmaid.If he is not showing interest in anything in particular, rather than nagging him, ask him if perhaps he and the best man could take over a project from you? Find out what he enjoys doing and / or is naturally skilled at / interested in, and work around that – and remember to ask or suggest, rather than telling him what to do! If he is still not showing interest, remember it is not personal and a reflection of his interest in the wedding or relationship (unless your instinct is telling you otherwise, but that’s another blog!) – so ask if you can give him something else to do that was on your non-wedding “TO DO” list – and remember to thank him!
- If there are days when you want to have a meltdown or a rant, choose a time when he is in a neutral or happy state and ask if he will hold space for you to vent your feelings – and let him know what you need from him. Do you just need him to listen – without trying to give you suggestions?Men love to jump in and fix things but maybe you don’t want that? Do you need a hug? Would a cup of tea and cooking dinner be just what you need to rebalance? Ask for what you need… and don’t forget, if space is what you need, tell him why and don’t just stomp off or disappear!
- Compromise – a key part of any wedding day planning. Both of you are attending the wedding so remember that you share the choices and decisions, no one gets their own way on everything! Focus on what is really important to you and be prepared to compromise on lesser things. If you are struggling to agree on lots of things – each of you make a top 3 list of that are really important to you and maybe anything else is open to compromise, if needed – mark each item under discussion out of 10, in importance and swap lists. You might be surprised about what is really important to the other!Negotiate, listen to each other without interrupting, don’t be stubborn, make the planning fun – remember this is a partnership! What would happen if you didn’t get your own way on something? Would it really “ruin your wedding day”? I’ll leave that thought with you – but I think we know the answer…
Jo Hanby is the “Wedding Confidence Coach” – combining her unique blend of happiness life coaching and long-term wedding industry experience, the focus is on the emotional wellbeing and happiness of the bride, to manage stress and anxiety, in the lead up to the wedding.
Contact hello@weddingconfidencecoach.co.uk for 1-2-1 coaching in person or by Skype.
